Being a mother is not easy, this is known from the moment you hold a child in your arms for the first time, even during pregnancy we already have an idea of everything that is to come! The constant worries, the fear that everything is fine… But if the child is also born with some kind of problem, everything becomes an obstacle, and nothing else is needed! Therefore, we are going to talk to you about some things that a mother of a child with ASD does not want to hear.
ASD, family and society
A child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders) requires specialized attention both at school and at home. A mother or father with children who have this condition knows it well. They know that life is not always as easy as they had imagined, but what they will not tolerate are certain comments from people who, in reality, have no idea what their daily life is like.
Although it is true that there is still a long way to go in society and in inclusion, some parents who do not live with ASD at home can be surprised in different situations. Like when there is a crisis, when children enter an emotional loop, with maladaptive behaviors, etc. For them it is not something normal and they do not understand what it is and why it happens. That is why information and inclusion are so important even today in our society.
Due to this lack of information, it is normal that other people who do not live with ASD in their lives do not know what to do, how to act or even what to say. This is perfectly understood and the truth is that they are not to blame. It is society itself that must “get the batteries” and be aware of the disorders and different capacities that exist.
If you know a father or mother of a child with ASD or any other disorder or disability, that is not a taboo subject for you. Ask openly and respectfully so that the mother or father can explain or share their points of view and contrast them. Surely you can learn great things… through their experience.
Don’t say these things to a mother or father of a child with ASD
If you know what it is like to live with a disorder or a disability, you will also know that society is full of myths that are believed to be true or stereotypes that in many cases can even cause emotional wounds in parents and children that are difficult to heal. The lack of information and often lack of empathy can lead people to make inaccurate comments.
Words that don’t help, that hurt, that feel bad. When this happens, it becomes even clearer that society must become more cultured in terms of this type of problem. So, if you know a mother or father with an ASD child, avoid saying any of these phrases:
- My son at the age of yours spoke perfectly and was able to carry on a conversation.
- I don’t understand how you can live this way, with so many routines.
- Let him have that tantrum, he just wants to get your attention.
- If he behaves like this it is because you are spoiling him.
- Perhaps you should do more to offer him the help he needs, it seems that you are not doing enough.
- Don’t complain that he has ASD, at least you have a child, other couples can’t have children.
- You are strong, so fight every day because you deserve a mother who can handle everything.
- Do not worry because it is still small, you will see that over time it becomes normal.
- Within the bad, it is not the worst, so do not complain.
- If you were more strict in education, I would surely have a better behavior.
- Look at the good part, surely when he grows up he will be a genius like Albert Einstein.
- You should look for alternative therapies so that it progresses better, it seems that it has stalled.
- Don’t worry if she doesn’t speak, my aunt didn’t speak until she was 5 years old and she is fine now.
- Come on, you don’t notice anything that you have ASD, are you sure they have made a good diagnosis?
- Wow, I’m very sorry that your son has ASD, I’m sure it’s difficult to assimilate, I don’t know if I could.
- I really feel sorry for your son, I’m sorry.
- You give me a little pity, always so overwhelmed and without time for you.
- I don’t invite him to the birthday not because he doesn’t want to, but understand, it can make others uncomfortable.
- Will it ever be cured?
- If you have ASD it’s because of the vaccines, they say it causes this disorder.
- Did something happen to you during pregnancy or did you do something wrong so that your child was born like this?
- There are children who are born normal and because of a blow to the head they become like that.
- Maybe they will find the cure one day, be patient.
- Adopt a pet that will surely do well for you because you will get along better with animals.
- If you start working on emotions from a young age, surely when he is older he will be autistic but with empathy.
As you can see, they are each and every one of the totally unfortunate phrases, and it is better that you do not say them if you want to continue maintaining a good relationship with that mother or that father. Respect, empathize and measure your words to avoid hurting their feelings. And if you have ever said any of these phrases, then I encourage you to learn more about ASD .