We all know that words have great power over people. While it is true that actions teach, words can stick like a dagger in the heart when they are not used well. In this sense, it is important that parents know how to choose well the words they want to transmit to their children, but they also have to know how to select well those that they should not say.
Phrases that generate insecurity in your children
Next we are going to show you a selection of phrases that increase the insecurity of your children, and that before saying them it is better to shut up and think about things.
1. Do I have to tell you 100 times?
This is a classic. By telling your kids, “Do I have to tell you this 100 times?” you’re basically complaining about how much you need to tell them things, like they’re not listening. Instead try saying, “I told you this before, but could you please…?” In this way, you will make the children feel that they must comply and you will not have to repeat things many times. Also, make sure your children are really listening to you when you talk to them.
2. Older children don’t do that
A very common example of this is “older children don’t cry”, usually followed by “crying is only for babies”. Whether it’s crying or anything else, let kids be kids. If there is something you are not satisfied with, never use their age as an excuse. Instead, try saying, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that because…”
3. That’s just for boys (or girls)
Limiting boys and girls to what they can and cannot do based on their gender tells them that there are certain ways boys should behave and certain ways in which girls should behave and if they do not comply, it is wrong. It puts children in bubbles and they grow up believing in toxic social gender roles. Instead, try saying:“That’s not a good idea for you to do that.”
4. I’m disappointed in you
As much as disappointment is a very valid feeling, telling your kids this can leave an emotional scar on them. Many people grow up believing that they are a disappointment to their families because their parents mindlessly tell them this all their lives. Instead, try saying something like: “I’m not happy with your actions. Please avoid doing ‘that’ in the future.”
5 . Either you listen to me or…
This certainly sounds more like a threat than anything else. Using fear to discipline children is unhealthy and often counterproductive. Simply explain why you want something done and they will be more likely to follow through. So instead of this, it’s better to say something like: “Please do ‘this’ because ‘that’ isn’t right.”
6. Because I say so
The “whatever I say or nothing” or “because I am an adult and you are a child” approach may have been used for a long time, but that does not make it the right way to discipline children. It makes children feel that their opinions are not valid simply because they are young. Instead explain why you want something done in a certain way.
7. You live under my roof, so you follow my rules
Another thing many parents love to say. These statements make your child feel uncomfortable in their own home and also of being on edge emotionally, have anxiety. Instead of this, it is better to say things like: “You know the rules of this family, don’t forget to follow them”.
8. This is how I was raised
Although we learn a lot about parenting based on how we were raised, it is very narrow-minded to refuse a child’s request or condemn their actions by saying “that’s how they raised me.” Instead, explain to your child why you feel a certain way instead of rushing to “turn him off” with that phrase. You can use it as an example, but it shouldn’t be your main argument. Instead you could say things like: “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this. My parents used to tell me to wait for adults to be quiet before speaking.”