Many parents think that for children to learn and correct their bad behavior, they need to feel bad and suffer. That’s why they punish them. They punish them for having a hard time in the hope that this will change their behavior for the better in the future. Nothing is further from reality. Having a bad time will only make them feel resentment and resentment towards the person or people who have made them suffer.
If you are a mother or a father, it is possible that you remember the punishments in your childhood as something normal. Punishment has been a resource that has been used for a long time in the education of parents to children. In fact, many of these parents still think that punishment is an effective tool and that it never goes out of style .
Punishing children means making them suffer for not having behaved according to the expectations of the parents or the responsible adult. The goal of the parents is for the child to remember how bad it was with the punishment (bad words, yelling, a while in his bedroom, removing privileges without prior notice, spanking…) so that he does not return to perform that bad behavior.
In reality, when a father punishes his children, he is showing his frustration in parenting. His inability to proceed without falling into physical or psychological aggression. But punishments do not work, much less when they are imposed in moments of high emotional tension. Many parents believe that it is necessary so that their children “do not always get away with it” but the reality is that yielding on certain occasions does not weaken your authority, quite the opposite! If you strengthen the bond correctly, your authority increases.
It is true that punishment works in the short term, but in the long term it will only lead to unpleasant moments in the family and in the bond with the children. Before imposing punishments, you must assess the consequences not only in the short term, but also in the long term.
Alternatives to punishment
It is important to understand that children You have to set rules and limits for them to grow up in a healthy way and knowing what is expected of them at all times. But this does not imply that you should punish them, far from it. The best thing is to use the consequences of the acts with the children. This implies establishing rules and limits and agreeing on consequences in case of breaking those rules. Children will know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be for breaking those rules, so they will feel in control of the situation.
Feeling that they are in control of the situation, they will be more motivated to comply with those rules, because in the end, they will be the ones who decide if they want to comply or no… And if they accept those previously agreed consequences.
In addition to the consequences, family meetings can also be a good idea. In family meetings can be agreed among all as rules, limits and consequences. This will make the children feel more involved in the whole process.
Understand your children
In addition to taking all this into account, it is important that as fathers and mothers you are always willing to understand your children. Understand your child’s behavior and never judge him as a person. You can recriminate the acts, but never label him. Understand why your children talk back to what you say, why they have tantrums or why they fight with their siblings. They want to be better and they need your guidance to achieve it.
There is no instruction manual where you can learn everything you need to instill positive discipline, but follow your instinct based on love for your children and you will see everything more clearly. It is up to you to reflect and choose a respectful way to raise your children and prepare them for the world that awaits them once they become adults. When your children show wrong behavior, it is your duty to show them what is the correct alternative to that behavior. And remember… your kids don’t need to suffer to learn it.