You might think that “dumb,” “awkward,” or “slow” are harmless words that shouldn’t bother your kids. But in reality, any word that humiliates a child (or any other person) will always be an insult and its consequences can be devastating. No matter how old they are, insults will always remain engraved in the hearts of children, creating emotional wounds that are difficult to heal.
Your mission is to protect him
Sometimes we forget that our first mission as parents is to love our children and make them happy. I don’t know where we get the idea that we have the right to mistreat their little bodies or minds and thus unconsciously vent our frustration on them.
If we insult them, we ignore them, yell at them, despise them, humiliate them, hit them, compare them (negatively) with others, abandon them, among other things… when we are supposed to love them, care for them, teach them, understand them, educate them, accept them, protect them and hug them unconditionally. We violate their dignity as human beings who are dependent on us. We should only touch the children to hug, comfort and kiss them. It’s that easy.
Violence provokes more violence
Any emotion that is not recognized and accepted becomes self-destructive. We must be very careful not to repeat patterns of behavior that you may have lived in the past but that your children do not deserve. You may think that it is something unconscious and that you do not control it, but the reality is that you have the power of your actions and that you can stop treating yourself and your children badly. Do not take your frustrations out on your children… They are innocent beings who deserve your respect and all your unconditional love.
Any type of violence, direct or indirect, verbalized or silent, stop its mark on the lives of the children who suffer from it, and those consequences are very difficult to erase. Violence leaves scars for life.
Violence of any kind should not be accepted or tolerated under any circumstances. Words hurt as much or more than physical blows, and many times, without realizing it, we abuse our children and hurt their feelings, affecting their lives emotionally forever.
An example to keep in mind
Let’s have an example in mind to take it from day to day. There is a typical child who is very restless and gets into some mischief. His mom gets mad and hysterical and starts yelling things like : “I’m sick of you! I can not stand you anymore. I’m tired of dealing with you.”.
That mother should be asked: “Are you really fed up, tired and unable to bear your son anymore?” or “Are you really sick, tired and can’t stand your child’s ‘behavior’ anymore?”.
Now I ask you, dear reader: Do you see how different the emphasis is? In a situation like this, using emotional intelligence, the way to talk to the child would be: “I’m so tired of this behavior. The way you’re acting is wrong. I feel frustrated. But I still love you, son.” In this way, you send your child the message that you do not agree with the way he behaves, but your love for him is and will remain unconditional. You are telling him how you feel, in the first person, and you are not “blaming” him for how he makes you feel.
A final thought
Parents: at the end of the day, our children are a mirror and faithfully reflect who we are. Let’s change our attitude towards them.This type of abuse, which usually comes from a mother who is tired because she has been with the children almost all day, is the most common and leaves indelible marks on the lives of children.
In the hearts of children, there is no possibility that their father or mother does not love them. Consequently, they often interpret violence as a way for their parents to show them love. That is, abuse and beatings are equal to love. So, can you imagine what kind of partner they will choose? That’s right, someone who shows love with violence, because that’s the only way they know how to recognize affection. How terrible!
If we are frustrated or tired, let’s not take it out on our children. The next time you feel like he’s losing control, stop! And listen to your own words. If you can’t believe your ears, imagine how your kids feel when they hear you say such terrible things.
A technique you must employ
If you lose control with ease frequently, do not miss the technique that I tell you next. As soon as you feel like you’re losing control, count to ten, take a deep breath and bite your tongue to keep from talking. Instead of attacking and landing the first blow, stick your hands out and lace your fingers behind your back.
Instead of spouting any insults or words that can hurt your children’s hearts, say things like: “What a dream you have son” or perhaps “How I love you my life”. These are phrases that will divert your mind from the emotional chaos you are feeling and your emotional instability will begin to balance.