A brother, if we wish, is the most valuable gift we can give a child , because they will find with him a partner and accomplice in adventures. There are many questions that we must ask ourselves when having more than one child, such as the number of babies we will have or the age difference between them.
We talked a long time ago with mothers who had children ten years apart , so on this occasion, we will share the testimonies of eight mothers who had their children in a row and with little age difference.
Two children in less than 18 months
The mothers we have interviewed are women who have two or more children and whose age difference between at least two of them is between one year and 17 months. For most, their children had barely begun to walk and talk before they found themselves with another baby in their arms .
However, although it certainly sounds and is a complicated task, they all share their testimonies, where as we can read below, despite the fact that it is a great challenge to have two babies who still need them a lot, their experiences have been very rewarding. .
Why have children followed in age?
There are some mothers who were clear from the beginning, like Pamela, 30 years old and mother of Natalia and Rodolfo, two children who are 17 months apart:
From the first talks in our courtship, about babies, we liked the idea of having babies soon! It seemed good to us to get pregnant soon with our first baby, and we always wanted the age between our first and second child to be little.
For Marisol, who is 35 years old and is the mother of three children, having her last two babies with a difference of only one year and one week , was the best thing for her life plan:
I had my second child when I was 28 years old, it was completely planned to have my third child (which is a girl) because because of the type of job I have, and because of my age, I wanted to have all my children before I was 30, so then dedicate myself to them and to work.
In the case of Vanessa, 30 years old and mother of two children with an age difference of 15 months, her desire for them to be partners was what motivated them to have children close in age :
We were motivated by the desire for them to grow up together, to see them enjoy themselves and play with each other.
But just as she decided to plan to have her children soon, in other cases the arrival of another baby took them by surprise . Although many of them wanted to have more children and not have much age difference between them, in most cases they became pregnant sooner than expected.
This is what happened to Katherine, a 31-year-old mother of two children whose age difference is 16 months:
The second, although it was also in our plans, came about 8 months before we started “looking” for pregnancy. A surprise without a doubt, but now we think it was for the best.
The same thing happened to Yazmín, 29 years old and mother of two children with a difference of 15 months of age:
We wanted it but we didn’t expect it. When I confirmed the news to my husband it was a very nice moment, not expecting it he gave us a very beautiful surprise, we both cried as soon as we saw the result and that told us that everything was going to be fine. And what motivated us to do this is that we both agree in having a brother that close, the relationship we have with our brothers is very strong and we wanted our children to have such a forged family bond, in addition to thinking that such Maybe having them together would be easier as things flowed and having the experience very close would help us not to be afraid with another newborn.
Advantages of children having little age difference
Having two children in a row can be complicated, because we are just finishing adapting to life with a baby, when we find out that another is on the way. However, having children with ages in a row has some advantages.
For Priscila, 27 and mother of three children, of whom the two youngest have an age difference of 14 months, many stages are lived continuously, making it easier :
The great advantage is that you continue on the same line. For example, I never stopped breastfeeding so there was no transition from one to the other, Valentina simply didn’t want to see Santiago anymore and I never stopped wearing diapers, plus they synchronized in many things, they play very well, they love each other very much.
In the case of Slendy, a 30-year-old mother of two children who have an age difference of 15 months, having their children often helps the development and independence of both :
With Annie and Gabriel I can say that they have formed very strong bonds, Annie is very empathic with her brother. At this stage where they already play together, they have developed a complicity and ability to accept the other in their personal space. Gabriel’s psychomotor development was easier and more stimulated because we included Annie in her processes and this motivated Gabriel to move faster. In the process of inclusion in the family diet and the beginning of complementary feeding, I could also perceive that my son was encouraged by his sister to experiment with flavors and textures. We performed tandem breastfeeding which considerably reduced the child’s breastfeeding crises. In the same way, the constant stimulation by both of them helped me to maintain a good milk production.
But in addition to benefiting the children, having close children can also be good for the parents because the stage in which they are most demanding ends quickly , as explained by Gabriela, 25 years old and with two little ones whose 15 months apart:
It is a hard time for two small babies that goes by quickly, because then they begin to socialize with each other and grow up together. They also learn to share and have a routine together.
For Pamela, in addition to the fact that the diaper stages end sooner because they are close in age, what she loves most is the bond between her children:
Our first baby adores his sister, I feel that part of him will always see her, he kisses her, cares for her, in the morning the first thing he does when he wakes up is ask for “Taya”. Of course we can also change diapers at the same time hahaha, it seems that she is just a child.
Disadvantages of having children followed in age
But just as there are good things, there are also others that are a bit complicated. For example, when one gets sick, there is a risk that the other will also get sick, as Yazmín comments:
Illnesses, because if one gets sick with the flu, the other does too… It’s hard to explain at work that I have two little ones and if they need me I have to run for one, and a few days later for the other.
Another situation that may not be very easy at first is sleep routines and schedules , as Katherine explains:
It’s hard to have a new baby when the first one isn’t sleeping well yet. I also experienced a bit of mommy guilt having to pay more attention to my newborn baby and feeling that she was neglecting my other baby who was not even a year and a half yet.
In addition, of course, the pressure and fears in parents are greater, and as Vanessa says, having two little ones requires a lot of patience and effort:
It was a challenge with me, with my patience, with my desire to continue undertaking, with the fear of not being a good mother for those two little people who so much need love, attention, fear of not being up to them to get them ahead.
But in the end, it’s all worth it
All the mothers interviewed, both those who planned it and those who were taken by surprise by the early arrival of a second baby, say that despite having their challenges and difficulties in having children so close together in age, it is completely worth it and they would not change nothing .
We asked them to share some advice for those mothers who have or wish to have children with very little age difference , and they have given us very good recommendations that we hope can be useful:
The best advice I can offer and have learned (my husband and I) is the word adaptation. If there are going to be 1, 2, 3 or whatever children there is, there is no better advice than to put the adaptation into practice. Make the changes that are necessary so that we can all live as comfortably as possible, as happily and calmly as possible. Not leaving aside the respect and space of each one, both parents and children.
Encourage them to have them, in an average of 2 years your life returns to normal completely, obviously with its different stages. But it is to do it responsibly and with the care that this entails. It is a great experience, which at least I would not change for anything in life. It worked for me for good! At first I had my doubts but it was a good decision.
I honestly think it’s the best. If time went back and I knew what I know now, we would surely have searched for the second sooner than we had planned.
To the mothers who are in the process of adapting to being a mother of “two with less than two” I advise them to take it easy, that there will be hard days, a lot of fatigue, but that everything passes and that seeing them together and growing up so close in age is something that will make them very happy.
And to those who want to have children so close together, he can only tell them that they will not regret it. For us, despite the chaos, it has been the best thing that has happened to us.
It is a double commitment, it is very exhausting, your finances can be affected, rarely you will be able to see your house completely tidy… but it is incredible to see them grow up together, to be accomplices of each other, to see how your eldest son who is still small acquires a sense of care and protection of his little brother makes your strength stir. Very important remember mom that you should not face this alone, surround yourself with more moms, create your support network, because your well-being is also that of your children
Which is difficult, but with patience, and keeping in mind that each child is different, looking for the way of being of each one, will lead them to success, because if you want to do the same with the first, you will only despair, The best thing is to observe and give space to your mother’s instinct and follow the patterns of each Baby, sometimes it is difficult but everything happens, there is no situation that cannot be controlled with patience and love. The best reward of all this is that you see them grow together, being friends, life partners.
My advice is to dedicate time to each one, never compare them to each other, it is not competition, make them feel that they are both important and there are no preferences, but it says everything, love them and enjoy them because they grow very fast.