The decision to separate from your partner or even to divorce if you were married is not an easy one. It is a very complicated decision and many aspects are taken into account before starting this arduous and painful transition for everyone, not only for people who divorce. When a couple has children, they also suffer the consequences of divorce or separation, even more so than parents because they will always feel in the middle of two different worlds.
But no matter how painful the breakup with your ex was, if he or she wants to remain a part of your children’s lives, you need to accept that fact and think about their emotional well-being. When interacting with your children, it’s crucial to keep in mind how your words can affect them. Children’s emotional and physical well-being is the most important thing you should keep in mind.
You need to make efforts to avoid those personal impulses that can conflict with internal well-being of your kids. Next, I want to talk to you about some important guidelines that you need to follow in order to protect your children’s mental health.
Don’t talk badly about your ex
Refrain from saying everything whatever comes to your mind about your ex in front of your children. Many parents degrade the other parent or tell stories to convey a negative image, but this can be very damaging to children. This will only make your children feel as if they have to choose a side between their two parents, causing insecurity and mistrust, something very negative for their personal and emotional development.
Humanize your ex
Following the same line as the previous point, it is It is necessary to make every effort to humanize your ex -and not dehumanize him-. For example, call your ex by her name but when you talk to your kids address your ex as ‘dad’ or ‘mom’ (like: ‘daddy is picking you up from school today’). Try to avoid ‘your father’ or ‘your mother’ because this can subtly make the child feel guilty for existing.
Beware of micro-aggressions
Sometimes Microaggressions can happen and you may not even realize they’re happening, but they are very damaging. Microaggressions are brief, indolent behaviors that turn subtly hostile and may be subconscious. This type of behavior includes putting your ex down with derogatory comments of any kind. Over time these negative commenting habits can have a profoundly destructive effect on your children.
Don’t win the battle , that’s not the important thing
In your children’s lives there shouldn’t be a winner or a loser. Your children can and will love you even if you separate from your ex, but only they need coherence in your actions and that even if there is no love between you, you feel that they will always be the first option in everything.
You will always be their father or mother
No matter how your love relationship has ended, what matters from your past relationship is that you have the fruit of your past love in the form of wonderful children. Your children need both of you, even if you lead separate lives, so it is essential that you try to maintain a cordial relationship where the education and physical and emotional well-being of your children come first.
Avoid derogatory comments, don’t argue with your ex in front of your children, try to maintain a cordial relationship… think that your children deserve that in order to have a good emotional development.