When I talk about my “never selves”, I mean all those things that I swore I would never do before becoming a mother, but in my real motherhood, when you face what it really means on a daily basis… things change! ! I am one of those mothers who, before becoming one, said that my children would not be in front of the screens before they were 2 years old and never more than 30 minutes, of those who would never shout or smile every day…
The “I never” is something that each and every one of the mothers have gone through, because they are things that are thought almost unintentionally. For example, I always thought that my children would wear clean clothes without stains, without wrinkles and always well groomed. And the reality is that my children get stained and there is no time to change them, or that when I comb their hair after 5 minutes it seems that they have just gotten up from the disheveled hair that they go… and that is the reality!
3 of my “I never” of motherhood
We say a lot of things, but then motherhood is something totally different. For this reason, I am going to confess to you some of my “I nevers”, so that you feel identified or at least have a good time discovering how expectations can be one thing, but reality makes us see another, and it is good! different from what we had in mind!
1. I will never leave screens to my children before the age of two
The reality is that before they were two years old they had screens: TV, my mobile and even my tablet. He downloaded apps for his age and put pictures with songs on them. But they were screens, and yes, they were more than 30 minutes. I took the opportunity to do things around the house and promised myself that it would not be more than 10 minutes, but when I realized it, 40 minutes had already passed. Now I’ll leave the TV for a little while to be able to take a nap… who doesn’t?
2. I will never give them sugar if they are not parties or special events
I really thought that I would not give them sugar because it is a stimulant, bad for the teeth, it causes obesity and a thousand other things. He thought that he would give them sugar only at specific times and that we would eat a healthy diet all the time.
The reality is that the fried tomato has sugar, the commercial juices, the chocolate that they ask me for at snack, the ice creams in summer or the sweets when we watch movies on weekends too. We are in the process of trying to lower that dose of sugar, because yes, I am aware that it is not healthy… but, who can resist a sweet?
3. I will never say a single bad word in front of my children
Let the first stone cast by the one who is without guilt! Yes, we all want to have an excellent vocabulary in front of our children. We know that they learn from us, from what we do and what we say. But not always everything is so pretty and unintentionally, the swear words escape in front of their little ears. And yes, we are also working on this.
You also have your “I never”
I have given you three examples of my “I never” and perhaps you have felt identified with some of them. It is likely that many other examples come to mind and do not worry, it is normal. I just want you to realize that it’s normal and that you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Expectations are never in line with reality and this should only make you see that it is something common and that flexibility, changes and mistakes… are part of being a mother!
That things are not as we expected does not have to be a bad thing at all. If we make a mistake, we reflect and look for other alternatives. What matters is not to lose the horizon of motherhood and always act from the coherence and infinite love that we feel for our children. Your children’s needs are important, of course… but yours come first. Learn to laugh at yourself because this is normal and healthy.