Many parents complain that their children do not want to do anything. They are children or adolescents who do not want to study, do not do the housework that corresponds to them, and do not pay attention to the orders of their parents. They seem like apathetic children, although they can also be mistaken for being disobedient or defiant. What is happening? As many parents do not know how to answer this question, they can go to a psychologist for help because they no longer know what else they can do.
children who do nothing
How does a child who does not want to do anything behave? When this happens, we are not referring to a child or adolescent who does not want to do anything one day. We are talking about a behavior that is repeated over time, that occurs little by little and that at first confuses us because our son has not always been like this.
Parents feel that they cannot do anything with their children because they have already tried everything. They have tried: to punish them, to threaten them, to take away privileges, to reward them… neither the positive nor the negative reinforcements seem to have an effect so that the son changes his behavior. It seems that she doesn’t care, he just doesn’t want to do anything.
This situation usually leads to constant conflicts at home, in addition to the stress, discomfort and poor coexistence that is generated due to the emotional distance that is being forged at home due to the behavior of the child and the impotence of the parents.
Why don’t you want to do anything?
Before looking for solutions, what you have to do is assess the situation and discover the root of the problem; why don’t you want to do anything? We must take into account when everything started to happen, what has been and is our parenting style, what our attitude is towards this behavior, etc. On the other hand, it is also important to keep in mind the age of the child since a 6-year-old child is not the same as a 16-year-old adolescent.
Usually this behavior can arise because parents have applied ineffective discipline for a long time, being in most cases, too permissive. If they want the situation to change, they will have to change this type of discipline so that the children feel involved in the housework and in any other aspect that concerns them, such as studies.
It is essential that parents are aware that the habits acquired from a very young age are necessary for them to internalize and be able to carry them out both at home, at school or in their own behavior.
The key: work responsibilities
For this to be possible and for children to be able to acquire good habits, acquiring responsibilities is essential. To do this, routines must be created at home and the children’s habits must be taken into account every day so that they are able to follow rules and limits. Always with coherence and taking into account their integrity and their interests. You have to be flexible and firm at the same time, without falling into permissiveness or punitive discipline.
To begin with, responsibilities at home must be applied so that the children begin to have their bedroom tidy, to set and clear the table, to wash the dishes, to make their bed, etc. They will have to be made responsible for the housework that they are capable of doing depending on their age . Once they have finished their assigned tasks (and never before) they will be able to have privileges such as playing, having the tablet for a while, going out, etc.
Habits must be instilled from the earliest childhood and will be the key for children to develop successfully in the future. If parents get used to giving them everything done, without limits or giving in to their claims all the time so as not to make them suffer or not endure tense moments, then when they grow up there will be behaviors that are difficult to modify in the future. That is why acquiring good habits from when children are young is so important in all aspects.
How do I get my son to do his chores?
If you find yourself in the dilemma that you can’t go into the past to change your upbringing and into the present, they don’t want to do anything. Do not throw your hands in your head, you can get him to improve and internalize his obligations and be able to improve his behavior. For this, you must take into account the following aspects.
The rules and limits must be clear
The rules and limits that are set at home must be clear, specific and, in addition, your child must know and understand exactly what is expected of him at all times. These rules must always be complied with without excuses and at the beginning we must do our part to make it so. If, for example, you tell your child that to go out he has to finish his homework or that to watch TV after eating he has to clear the table, but then he can have those privileges without having done his assigned homework, he will see that you don’t have to do your chores to get what you want and you will disobey.
That is why it is so important to be consistent in the rules and limits of the home. Put the rules together with the children so that they feel part of the process and make the rules and the positive and negative consequences of complying or not complying with them clear. You must make it clear to them what is expected of them, when it is expected and that you value positively when they do things well. Do not focus only on their bad behavior, so that they value the effort more, focus on what they know how to do and how they do it.
Set the routines
Establishing routines is essential to make it work and thus make it easier for children to be able to fulfill their responsibilities because they will remember what is appropriate at all times. And if they don’t, we don’t have to. This way they will be able to correctly internalize the rules, norms and limits. Your children will feel more secure and emotionally stable (whether they are children or adolescents).
Seek help from a professional
If you feel that you have already tried everything and that your child does not change his behavior and you no longer know what else you can do because the situation is becoming more tense every day, then you will have to go to a specialist to assess what is happening to him. your son. With apathetic behavior, social isolation, permanent sadness… we could be facing a child or adolescent depression problem. The professional will be able to assess or rule out psychological or emotional problems and, if necessary, give you the guidelines to follow so that the situation improves.