Narcissistic parents are those who try to hide their low self-esteem and who show how interested they are in their children’s interests or in their success -whether academically or in sports-. But the reality is that parents who are narcissistic try to live and thrive on their children’s successes and try to live through them in order to somehow make up for their lack of self-esteem.
This can be very stressful for children since they can live with a lot of pressure thinking that their parents They expect a lot from them, something that will make them anxious so as not to disappoint them. This can certainly be a big problem because if the results are not as expected by the parents, the children may feel that they are not good enough and may even be afraid of the possible negative reaction of their parents. Parents Narcissists only think about making themselves feel good.
Why a parent becomes a narcissist
The reasons why a narcissistic parent wants to live through their children can be complex. Parents may want to make up for what they believe to be their own shortcomings. They may rely on their children’s success to reinforce their low self-esteem. By doing so, they will not see their child as a unique and autonomous individual and they will also refuse to recognize that the child is a separate being from them, with their own thoughts, feelings and desires.
Although parents do all this in the name of love, the truth is that it is a biased reality. People often confuse love with emotional hunger. Parents think that they are giving all their love for their children, that they cover them with constant attention… But they don’t see that they are actually draining all their energy.
When a If the person feels the need or desire to do the things that the child does, it can be a warning sign that they are taking more than they are giving in the relationship. If a father feels that his son is filling a part of his interior with his successes, or that his son is the only source of joy for him, it can also be a warning sign to be aware of. . This means that parents are emotionally hungry and that they focus it on their children. In love, encouragement, support and affection are given, and emotional hunger provides the opposite.
The consequences of growing up with narcissistic parents
The biggest problem with narcissistic parents so it is that, in the attempt to ‘build’ their children, they are actually neglecting to recognize and support them so that they learn to be independent. The child feels great pressure because of his narcissistic parents. They may feel fear and feel that he will never be good enough for them.
The insecurities of these children can also turn them into a narcissistic person, seeking attention and approval from others all the time, just to check that what he is doing is okay. Children feel that they must take care of parents, make them happy and offer them support… there is an inadequate role between parents and children.
This is a huge burden for a child small and will mark him for the rest of his life. When children grow up they will fall into this toxic dynamic in their relationships, they will look for someone to inflate their ego and support them in deeply rooted attitudes towards themselves. They can also look for people who, like their parents, use them to feel better about themselves. This dynamic can be harmful to an adult, but it is immoral to impose it on a child.