Today there are people who attribute their mental health problems to the bad upbringing they had in their childhood due to emotionally neglectful parents. Although it is not justifiable, until a few decades ago punitive parenting was carried out in homes, something that is not good and that has left emotional scars on many adults today. We are now in the age of information, so you should know what parenting mistakes are that can affect your children’s mental health… so you don’t make them.
Children constantly learn from their parents, they learn from what they hear, but above all from what they see. What we do not realize as parents is that we can do some things that, without intending to, are harming our children. Even wanting the best for them, we can make some mistakes that are affecting them a lot and that seriously harm their mental health… and we don’t realize it.
Parenting mistakes you should not make to protect your children’s mental health
Mental health must be taken care of since children come into this world and throughout their lives. Parents have a very important role in this. Therefore, read on to avoid making parenting mistakes that could cause serious emotional damage to your children.
Not paying attention to your emotions
Children’s emotions are shown in the purest state. There is no filter, they are simply there to get them out into the world. So, if you don’t pay attention to these emotions, whatever they are, you will be destroying their individuality. Minimizing what you feel will make you believe that emotions are not important or that it is better to bury them than to feel them. Serious mistake.
If emotions are not validated, children will grow up with serious problems of anxiety, stress and poor mental health because they will not know how to resolve internal conflicts, and therefore, neither external ones. It is necessary that as parents, we validate all the emotions of the children, that we help them to understand them, to name them, to know what they mean and to look for solutions so that in this way, they can feel better in case they need it.
Not listening to your decisions
As parents, we think that our decisions are the ones that should be listened to and we don’t stop to think about what our children are saying. It is true that if your child is not capable of making a decision, you should intervene to guide him (but not to decide for him). But if your son has a decision on his mind, whatever it is, don’t belittle it… just steer him in a direction that is less detrimental to him in case his decision isn’t beneficial to his life.
If you don’t take their thoughts and decisions into account, as they grow older they won’t think they can trust you and won’t tell you what’s on their mind. They will have secrets, something that will make their childhood unhappy by not being able to maintain good trust and communication with you.
Always demand the most
There is no such thing as perfection, nor are we perfect as parents, nor is it fair to demand that they be perfect as children. Although it is fine to teach them to aim high, it is more important to teach them the importance of effort and good work before results. Choosing the path of effort should be an option and not an obligation, because then that effort would be tense and would be useless.
Do not push your children in such a way that they seek perfection to satisfy you instead of for themselves. That way they are not prepared for the world, that way you will only be raising a child full of anxiety.
Follow inconsistent social rules
We live in a society where there are rules and norms that, on many occasions, do not make sense and that come from past societies and anchored in machismo. Therefore, allow both your sons and your daughters to express themselves, to be as they want to be… even if it is not socially accepted.
If your son wants to do ballet and your daughter wants to sign up for soccer, why deny her? Why will they say? Do not pay attention to those obsolete social rules that are only a yoke on the neck of youth. Allow your children to be themselves without fear of what they will say. Don’t limit their personality, help them enhance it! In this way they will have a better concept of themselves and they will be grateful all their lives that you have always supported them, whatever their decision was.
You have to respect your children’s dreams, thoughts or decisions, even if they differ from your own! She is a different person than you, with her own emotions. You are their guide but you should never become their dictator.