Positive discipline is about teaching children how to behave, as well as helping them understand the consequences of their behavior, from love and care. Many parents blame children, they think that they are the ones who should change their behavior, but the reality is that it is the parents who need support and help to develop new approaches and thus encourage discipline positive.

Responsible children from love

Discipline Positive is designed for children to become responsible, respectful people who have empathy and assertiveness in their lives. Teach children positive values ​​and social skills for life, so that they respect themselves and above all, so that they respect everyone else. Children from birth need to connect with others, feel the connection with their community, with the family and with the school, when they feel this connection they will not have the need to misbehave.

With positive discipline children are taught to think, they are taught to reflect on their behavior and blind obedience is eliminated forever -which in adult life would only bring them problems-. Positive discipline teaches children to communicate effectively , to think flexibly and to be a good problem solver.

But it is necessary not to confuse positive discipline with letting your child do what he wants (this would be a permissive parenting, loaded with negative consequences in children). Parents who are too relaxed or permissive will create insecure children, with little self-control and who will have serious difficulties in committing to decisions or assuming the consequences of their actions.

Positive discipline implies parenting with love, kindness and above all, respectful of the needs of children but also establishing limits that are fair and reasonable and with agreed consequences that are relevant to the specific situation. .

Keys to use positive discipline

• Positive discipline ti It has to take place in a warm, positive and loving environment. Attention should be positive, with encouraging comments and disapproving responses aside.
• Pick your battles. If you are a persistent and critical person, your child will disconnect from what you say. Decrease the number of orders except for those things that are most important. Ignore minor behaviors and focus on things that really matter, thinking about how you can help your children listen.
• Use a polite, respectful and positive tone when making requests, you must ask yourself that if someone spoke to you that way, if you would feel good. It is necessary to avoid sarcasm, threats, criticism, labels, teasing or yelling at all costs.
• When you make a request if your child does not know how to develop it, accompany him in the process so that you can be his guide and know what you expect of him at all times.
• If your child does not listen to the questions, ask again more firmly. This it will help your child to change his answer. If they still don’t respond, you can choose to impose a relevant consequence, so if your child throws a toy they will have to pick it up and if they don’t, they will have a consequence such as, perhaps, running out of dessert.
• Help your child to express their feelings, to understand their emotions and to be able to express themselves with the right words. Good communication is essential. Show concern and empathy whenever your child feels overwhelmed by his feelings. Remember that behind bad behavior there is always an emotional reason in children.
• Listen to your child. Respect his interests, his tastes and his way of thinking. Agree with him on solutions that are win-win.

It is possible that at times you feel frustrated but in those moments, do not fall into traditional or reactive discipline, it is You better take a moment for yourself, take a deep breath -as long as your child is safe- and behave appropriately as a parent. This will be a great way to model appropriate behavior for your child. For example, you can say something like: ‘Mom is very stressed, I’m going to sit in the garden for 5 minutes to calm down’. This way they will understand that losing their temper is not the solution.

Also, you need to make sure that you are not too hard on yourself. It is very easy to be self-critical and stop in situations where the one that you feel guilty for how you have reacted, but remember that you are human and that we all make mistakes, the important thing is to learn from them. You can take some time at the end of the day to remember the times you’ve handled things well and think positive things about your parenting skills. If there is a bug, find a way to make it better next time and implement it.