When a parent lacks confidence or low self-esteem, it has a direct impact on parenting. That is why, as fathers and mothers, we must be aware of all the verbal responses that we give to our children, but above all and even more importantly, of the non-verbal ones.
The importance of emotional regulation in adults
A child will always imitate his father or mother, even if the action has been negative, this happens due to the mirror neurons that we have. If a parent yells when he gets frustrated, his child will learn and do the same in the future. If a mother slaps a child when she gets angry, the child will start hitting when he is angry. It’s that simple… and that important. It is for all this that affection and containment are necessary in parenting so that children have a good development.
For this, it is essential that adults have a good process of emotional regulation, only in this way will children grow up with a feeling of security in childhood that will make them grow up as responsible adults in the future. For this, it is necessary that both fathers and mothers work on their own self-esteem since this has to do with secure attachment and the relationship with the environment.
Parents who know how to create healthy bonds with their children and understand the importance of this in life will allow them to create a secure attachment, something that will help children to have a positive adaptation to their environment. To do this, parents must work on the feeling of worth and self-acceptance. All this will reduce the chances of suffering from anxiety disorders or depression in children who will become adults in the future.
How secure attachment is achieved
Secure attachment is achieved by taking into consideration the relationship between parents and children. Of course, as humans we are there will be mistakes, but it is essential to admit them, take responsibility for them and learn so that in the future we have a different response. This responsibility for actions has a fundamental emotional learning in the development of children.
To achieve secure attachment, keep the following in mind:
- What you do and say has a great impact on your children. Maintain consistency between what you say and how you act, it is what will give your little ones confidence.
- Express your emotions openly and accept them. Validate all the emotions your children are feeling and don’t minimize them.
- Make your children understand that what is inappropriate is not the emotions they feel, but, sometimes, the wrong way of expressing them.
- Express attention, affection and constant availability to your children. Make your children feel important every day. You are their greatest example to follow in terms of affection, allow them to feel loved constantly.
- Maintain an attitude of acceptance in the face of diversity, different thoughts and accept that your children are not like you.
- Encourage your children to feel worthy.
- Maintain established limits and rules at home, even though this may cause discomfort. Always act with respect and love, speak with empathy and affection so that your children learn to act in the same way.
- Never compare your children.
Consider your verbal and non-verbal response
What is said is as important as how it is said. It is useless to give everything to a child in a material way if later there are no values or dedication. Children have brain plasticity and are capable of capturing signals that are not said, but that they observe… they learn from what they see, and from what is transmitted to them on an emotional level.
As parents, we have an obligation to teach children to love, loving ourselves first. Take advantage of everyday circumstances to work on a secure attachment at any age, not just when your child is a baby. Respect your child from the first minute of life and continue to do so always… but without forgetting that you must also respect and love yourself first. Understand your emotions and it will be easier to understand those of your children, at any age.