You may think that your children are lazy people who never do anything, who do not accept obligations… who do not help at home, who do not want to study, they just want you to do everything for them! “Do nothing and demand a lot” seems to be his daily motto.
You may think that you have tried everything and that your child “is like this” because there is no way for him to change. But of course, if your child “does nothing”, it is a situation that has been shaped over time.
Children learn that if they do nothing and are “punished” without first understanding the consequences prior to the misbehavior, they will not care and there will be no change. If they do something well and are given “prizes”, they will learn not to do anything if there is no “juicy” prize waiting for them at the end. These strategies obviously do not work.
When parenting strategies do not work, a lot of tension is generated in the home, causing parents not to know what to do and children not to know what is expected of them… Relationships and communication become complicated and little by little, parents and children distance themselves and enter into constant emotional conflicts.
Why don’t your children do anything?
Yes, it is true that there are children who do nothing at home, but you must analyze why this is so. What guidelines, rules or limits exist in your home? Are they appropriate for your children’s age and ability, or do you tend to do things for them to go faster or do things better and “your way”?
It is important that you take into account the age of your children when you establish housework , because they should not be the same tasks in a 6-year-old child as in a 16-year-old adolescent. Obviously, a teenager must have more responsibilities according to their capacity .
If you apply ineffective rules at home, you should raise them again (it is never too late) so that the situation improves and your children acquire new habits of care and responsibility at home, in the study, in their autonomy and in their own behavior.
It is necessary that your children acquire autonomy gradually with daily routines and habits, following rules and limits. At first it may seem tiring, because you will have to follow behind… But in the long run, you will see that it is what you should have done since you were very little.
Children and adolescents quickly learn what is expected of them if it is clearly stated. If they’ve never done it before, don’t expect them to tidy up their bedroom or do the dishes if you don’t tell them first. You must establish some daily routines, so that, over time, that habit becomes automatic and they begin to do it on their own, without you having to ask them. In this way, it is how internal responsibilities begin in children… and it is essential for their development.
obligations at home
All members of a family must have obligations in the home to find balance. They must be responsible for:
- Your study
- your toilet
- His bedroom
- Set and clear the table
- Help clean the dishes
- make your bed
Tasks can be increased or decreased depending on their age and ability. But only when they have finished their tasks can they have certain privileges such as playing on the console or mobile, going out with friends, etc.
It is the best way for it to become habits, and it is necessary to start when they are little. As they grow older, it will be more difficult for them to change their behavior, but it will never be impossible… If they acquire good habits from a young age, they will be able to maintain them when they are older.
So that the children do not take these tasks as “impositions” and block themselves before them… It is better that they feel that they are part of the decisions. To do this, you can have a family meeting and talk about the importance of rules and limits. Then write all together which are the most important and talk about how you will carry it out.
You can make a task chart at the beginning, so that (especially the little ones), if they don’t remember what they have to do, they can easily look at it.
Praise them with all your love whenever they do things well and help them with all your love whenever they need it! But don’t get angry or scold them if they try to do something right and it doesn’t work out… In this case, they just need you to teach them how to do it better next time.