Educating our children requires patience, empathy, active listening and communication. We have spoken on several occasions that punishment, threats, blackmail and spanking are not educational methods, and also seriously harm the child . But what about the screaming?
Unfortunately, there are still many people who do not conceive of education without yelling, as they are unaware that yelling leaves deep marks on the child’s personality and affects their behavior. Although at a given moment we can all lose our temper, it is important to be aware that this is not the way to educate with respect and empathy .
We explain to you why yelling does not serve to educate children , and the negative consequences that they entail.
Screaming blocks the child’s brain and prevents him from learning
We may believe that yelling will get our children to listen to us more carefully, or we may think that it is the way to show them our authority. But the truth is that yelling is not a good way to educate , because among the many negative consequences that they entail, is the blocking of the child’s brain.
If we analyze it from a neurological point of view, what happens is that the screams (whose purpose is to warn of danger) block the brain’s amygdaloid body , which is responsible for processing and storing emotions , activating the survival mode and preventing the entry of new information.
“If a child does not feel safe, the amygdala is activated and prevents the absorption and entry of information to the brain, blocking the entry of new information” – we can read in a scientific article published by the Positive Discipline Association of Spain .
Therefore, if we want our children to really learn about something , we must explain it to them through calm dialogue and create an environment in which the child feels safe and protected .
If we shout at them to do or not do something, the only thing we will achieve is to block them, and in the long run they end up acting to avoid those shouts, but not because they have internalized and learned how to do it.
By yelling at them we cause stress and insecurity
The mental block that occurs when we are yelled at raises the levels of a hormone called cortisol , whose function is to put the brain on alert when it receives a threat.
Thus, if the child grows and develops in a hostile environment where his brain continually perceives threats in the form of yelling, punishment , spanking, ignoring his feelings … he will enter that “alert mode” we are talking about, causing him stress . , fear, anxiety and insecurity.
These feelings will end up becoming a constant in their day-to-day life, causing the child to grow fearful, distrustful, skittish and with little self-confidence .
The screams leave a mark on their personality
But yelling at our children “not only” causes negative consequences in the short term, but also in the long run, as several studies have shown that an education based on yelling can affect them in their adulthood.
According to research conducted in 2013 by the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the University of Pittsburgh Health Department , children who had been raised with harsh verbal discipline experienced more behavior problems and depressive symptoms in adolescence . than those who had not been yelled at during their childhood.
And it is that the screams leave an indelible mark on the child’s personality , as does physical punishment . What happens is that in general, a large part of society is still not aware of the harm and inefficiency of educating by yelling.
We are not setting a good example
Parents are the mirror in which our children look at themselves, and we are their guides and teachers. That is why it is so important to educate them by example , teaching them that we should not shout at people, that we have to treat everyone with respect , and know how to debate politely and without losing our nerves.
As the expert, Tania García, told us in this interview, “don’t do to your children what you wouldn’t want them to do to you” . And although we are human and we can have bad days, we must be aware that there are limits that should never be crossed , and in this way we will also be teaching our children not to cross them.
Because yelling at them, our children are not happy
Positive Discipline expert Jane Nelsen once said, “Where do we get the crazy idea that in order for a child to behave well we must first make him feel bad?” .
And it is that if we really think about it, we will realize that shouting, physical or psychological punishment, comparisons , blackmail and threats are not only not a good educational method , but also have a negative impact on the child, making him feel sad, humiliated and sunk .
Is this how we want our children to feel? Or, on the contrary, do we want happy , confident and secure children? Surely all parents agree on the answer.