There are many parents who require their children to stop yelling through screaming, or to calm down through nervousness. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s much more common than you think. Parents demand that children, without knowing how and without having enough tools, be able to control and manage their emotions… when they are the first to have little control.

It is possible that in your childhood you were also shouted down or threatened again and again to behave yourself when you were just behaving like a child. It is also likely that if you are a father or mother today, you have realized that you are now in the other part… That is, your child has tantrums and you do not know how to manage it, and sometimes… you can even lose your nerves.

You can’t calm your child if calm is what you need

There are times when parents forget that our children’s eyes are looking at us all the time. It is our actions and way of behaving that shapes them as people. Parents often become stubborn and angry when they feel that their children do not listen to them, do not pay attention to them, do not obey them at first… but to educate and teach, it is the example that really works.

Your children look at you when you get angry, when you do not know how to control your anger, when you are frustrated and do not manage it correctly, when you have an impatient attitude. They look at everything, they realize everything… even if you are not always aware of it. But of course, you want your children to understand you (at any age) and believe that being a father or mother is not easy, you want them to understand that the fact that you get angry, yell or lose your temper is totally justifiable… But it is not So.

You are not able to understand that your children learn to control (or not) their emotions. That they don’t have the tools that you do (and that you don’t use) and that when they need calm, what they really need is for you to guide them along the way with your own calm and not with your angry state.

We know that life is stressful, that you have many responsibilities as an adult, that speed takes its toll on all of us. You may be tired of siblings fighting, of explaining things to them over and over again, of having to make so many daily decisions, of having to work so many hours…

Your children did not ask to come into this world, and neither do you. But they are your responsibility, in all respects. It is normal that family, personal and work life can cause you stress but you will not find calm between anxiety, shouting or bad manners. You will find it with management and emotional intelligence, and your children will find it if they are able to see the example in you.

How to calm an upset child

Before calming an upset child, you must calm that inner child that you have inside your heart and that begs you to improve those intense feelings that hurt you so much. Once you get it, the rest will be easier.

When your child feels frustrated, take a deep breath, count to 10, crouch down, look him in the eye, and talk to him in the same calm way that the child of your heart would like. Remember that you are the adult, you are the one who must guide him on the path of emotions…

You are the reference figure for your children, you are their example, you are the calm in the middle of the storm. And for that:

  • Name the emotions, tell your child what emotion he feels (for example: anger or anger) and why he feels it.
  • Accept their emotions and never minimize them, no matter how silly they seem to you. What your child is feeling is true and therefore requires your understanding and support.
  • Remember that behind any tantrum or anger in children, there is always a need for affection, a hug and/or to receive all your love.
  • Children are not born angry. Try hugging your child whenever he has a tantrum and when you have calmed him down in your arms, then talk about the emotions he has felt in a given situation. You will be surprised how that hug from love and affection will calm even the greatest anger.

It will be at that moment when your child will be receptive (and not emotionally blocked) to understand their emotions and learn to manage them better thanks to your instructions. You will also feel better because when you realize that now, through love, you are able to manage your calm and teach your child to manage theirs… everything will go much better both at home and outside of it. Take the test, you will be surprised.