“My baby only calms down in my arms!” “As soon as I turn around, she cries uncontrollably.” “I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself”… Surely these types of statements are familiar to more than one mother, and although we all understand that it is a normal and natural process, it is also logical to feel overwhelmed by the demand continuous baby
It happened to me with my middle daughter, whom I affectionately called ‘koala’. Another mommy friend of mine calls her little ‘sticker’ of hers. I have also heard amusing adjectives such as ‘velcro mom’, ‘kangaroo mom’, ‘magnet mom’… In short, different names with the same connotation.
If your baby is one of those who does not want to be separated from you under any circumstances and you feel like a ‘Velcro mom’ , we will explain why this happens and what you can do to make the situation more bearable.
“Why does my baby only want to be with me?”
The logical and desirable thing is that the baby has a solid and firm bond with his mother , since she is the person who carried him in her womb, who welcomed him into the world and who spends more time by his side. In his chest he finds food, in his arms, shelter, and his scent and his voice are his only calm.
As the baby grows, new people appear in his life with whom he enjoys and likes to be (for example, his grandparents, his uncles…), although his parents – especially his mother – will continue to be his main references now. who to turn to when you feel in danger or need comfort.
Around the eighth month of life , approximately, a phenomenon known as ‘separation anxiety’ appears in the baby . Suddenly, that outgoing baby who seemed to be at ease in anyone’s arms, cries inconsolably when someone picks him up or when he loses sight of his mother or father.
This habitual behavior begins to be cataloged by many as ‘mamitis’ , and although socially it tends to be reproached (“this child is teasing you!”, “you have him spoiled”, “that happens by holding him so much in your arms”. ..) and even considered as a setback, it is completely normal.
Far from being a problem, separation anxiety shows that the baby has developed a meaningful relationship with its parents . For him, her parents are everything: they are the people she trusts and who can protect her from danger. Therefore, it is normal for him to cry or be alarmed when they disappear from his sight Of him; even if they just went into the next room.
As the child gains autonomy and gains confidence, separation anxiety will disappear , although exceptional circumstances or challenging challenges may appear along the way ( the beginning of school is usually one of them ) that suppose a small step backwards. In these cases it is important to remember that for the child to begin to be independent and learn to function in the world, it is essential to be previously dependent, since everything he learns will be done by his reference people.
What can we do so that the situation does not overwhelm us?
Although it can be exhausting to have our baby literally “stuck” to us all day, the truth is that once we understand that it is a completely normal and evolutionary process, it is easier to face it in a relaxed and respectful way. Of course, it is important not to be influenced by comments from the environment , since we have already seen that labels tend to be placed right away that could even make us doubt whether we are doing things right.
In this sense, if our baby cries or calls out to us , we must always attend to him with affection through physical contact, kisses and hugs. Carrying is an excellent solution so you can always stay in skin-to-skin contact while exploring the world from a perspective that makes you feel safe. So is co-sleeping, as it allows the mother to rest while the child feels safe and confident by her side.
On the other hand, if we suspect that our baby could be of high demand , it is recommended that we learn what this concept means , in order to be more aware of his emotional and physical sensitivity, and thus be able to care for him as he needs.
And finally, it is recommendable and positive to favor the autonomy of our son , preparing our house so that he can function and giving him the opportunity to do things for himself. Let’s not forget that children like to learn and contribute, so having the possibility to do certain tasks will not only encourage their independence, but will allow them to grow confident and self-confident.
Think above all that the stage in which you are passing. Sooner than you think your baby will be grown, and she will stop demanding your arms . In any case, if the situation overwhelms you at some point, do not hesitate to ask for help. It is important to delegate and take advantage of the moments in which your child is in the care of another person, to relax and rest.