Does your son say he doesn’t want to study and this worries you? Have you detected that there is a great demotivation in him when it comes to studying? The truth is that there are children who like to learn , but not study (they are different things), and that it is a fairly common phenomenon that it is logical that we worry.
Sometimes, in these cases, it will be important to change the study methodology, others, to establish the habit, encourage motivation… but always, it will be essential to investigate the causes that lead your child to not want to study.
My son does not want to study: possible causes
There are many children who, at a certain moment, and at different ages, suddenly don’t want to study.
It can also be something that has happened “always”, in children who find it difficult to motivate themselves to study or who have not integrated the habit of studying.
The causes of this phenomenon are diverse . Some of the most frequent:
Can’t find the motivation
The main cause that explains why there are children who do not want to study is the lack of motivation. To study, as well as for any other action or habit, motivation is needed.
Motivation is that internal engine that moves us, that drives us to do things. Without it, everything becomes much more difficult for us.
For this reason, it is important to help our son to find that desire , that strength or illusion that drives him to study. Later we will see how we can do it.
You don’t have the study habit
Another reason that would explain why there are children who do not want to study is the lack of study habits. Habits are learned actions , therefore they must be trained so that they are established.
If our son has gotten used to never studying when he gets home, or not doing his homework , it is normal for him to have a harder time doing it, and even to refuse to do it.
Concentration difficulties also explain why there are children who do not want to study. Think about it; If your child has a hard time paying attention in class, focusing on the task he has to do, reading… it’s much easier for him to get frustrated and demotivated. Attention problems can also be worked on.
Sometimes, behind that refusal to study, or even to want to go to school or college, there is a traumatic experience such as being bullied or bullied .
As a result of this situation, which is often silenced, the refusal to go to school arises; in these cases, in reality it is not so much that “they do not want to study” , but logically that they do not want to relive or face the difficult situation they are experiencing. Therefore, they avoid it.
How to help him?
How to help your child find the motivation to study? How to accompany him in this process? As we will see, it is not about forcing anything, not even motivating him to find “the passion for studying” (sometimes that will not be possible, other times it will).
It is about understanding the causes of the situation in order to understand what is happening to your child and how we can make him or her well.
Understand the causes of the situation
The first thing we should do is investigate the causes of this demotivation in studies. Is it really that you don’t want to study? Or is he avoiding another situation (such as the aforementioned bullying)?
Is there a lack of habit, academic problems, intellectual difficulties…? Or maybe he doesn’t like what he’s studying? As a result of knowing the causes of the situation, it will be easier to address the problem.
How to do it? You can try asking your child directly, with tact and empathy, giving him space and actively listening, observing, talking to his tutor, or even asking for professional help .
Help you create the habit
Once we identify the causes of this reluctance to study, one of the actions we can take, if it is a lack of habits, is to help them create the study habit.
To create a habit, it is important to establish a routine, for example; we will start doing homework/studying two days a week . It is important to establish the schedules and specify how we will study, if it will be alone or with parents, if it will be in your room or in the library, etc.
Validate how you feel
It is very frustrating not wanting to do something and that is imposed from the outside. Therefore, emotional accompaniment is important, and that you can validate how your child feels.
He may feel frustrated, sad, angry, discouraged… Talk to him, offer him your help to understand where those emotions come from . As we said before, let’s not stay in the “symptom” or the consequence, let’s try to go back a little and see where this demotivation comes from.
That can change your view of studies
If your child doesn’t want to study (and it’s not due to being bullied or for other reasons), it’s probably because they don’t have a favorable view of studies. And from there also, the lack of motivation is born . That is why it is important to change the vision of him. How can we do it?
For example, offering you more dynamic and fun experiences when studying. Change the study methodology, the material…
Discover what can motivate you from all that you study; Although a priori he can say that “nothing” motivates him, surely there is some subject, some specific topic, that can motivate him. Accompany him to discover it, investigate together.
Talk to your tutor
Finally, as we have already mentioned, it will also be important that we can speak with your tutor (also with the EAP, the School’s Psychopedagogical Assessment Team).
Through this contact we can obtain more information about what happens in the school or institute and find, together, strategies that can help your child.