When it comes to our children, we may sometimes have a hard time seeing the reality before us. They grow up and become teenagers, but until recently they were our little ones. When they are little, the good times pass quickly: the first words, the first day of school, the first time they eat some foods that they like or dislike… But little by little the most difficult times come, and also inevitable.
As they get older, they will begin to have experiences that lead them to have their first heart broken, their first drink and also, the first time they have sex. We’ve all been through it, and now, it’s their turn. But they need your guidance and your example so that things do not get out of the pot. These experiences are a normal and healthy part of adolescents, but there will be experiences that, although they need our guidance, will happen without us in front of them.
A broken heart
It doesn’t matter what you say to him, because no one is prepared to have a heart broken, no one can prepare you for that. When that happens, they will learn, they will grow, and then yes, you can help them find their way forward from that broken heart to become stronger and smarter than before.
Bad decisions are also another important factor in the lives of adolescent boys and girls. Bad decisions can happen in a moment, but that’s all they need to learn. People up to approximately 24 years of age will not have a fully developed brain -although it can always continue to change and evolve-, but the decisions made before this may be guided by impulse rather than logic.
That is why it is important to help children to have critical thinking from a very young age, from this mod or when they reach adolescence, they will be more capable of making a decision that, although it may be impulsive, will also have considered other options beforehand.
Drinking and sex
Drinking and sex are two great experiences -and sometimes problems- that adolescent boys and girls can experience. They can be big problems because of the devastating possibility they can have if they make a bad decision regarding these experiences. As parents, we don’t want to scare you, but you should know that although discovering new experiences is very good, you have to be careful to avoid negative consequences in your life. That’s why it’s so important to have ‘chats’ about drugs, alcohol and sex.
Don’t expect the school to be in charge of explaining the realities of these issues, nor do you expect them to discover it through documentaries or with their own experience. It is essential, that you explain to your teenagers everything they need to know to be able to behave responsibly or that they are at least warned of the consequences that may exist in each of these experiences by making bad decisions.
Don’t try to control them
If you want your children to feel strong, in control and safe… you should know that this will only happen through open conversation with your children. Be open about things your kids probably haven’t thought about yet, but are necessary to make decisions.
The harsh reality is that you can’t control what they do, because as much as you want to fool yourself, if your children want to do something, they will find a way to do it, no matter how you look. Teenagers are smart, resourceful and creative. If you want to control him too much, you will simply lose him and he will not trust you because you will not be respecting his margin of freedom.
But what you can have is influence. You can be very important to them and therefore your influence will be much more effective than control.