All of us who are parents know that it has nothing to do with life before being one. Life takes a 180º turn and it is something inevitable that happens as soon as a baby comes into your life. Raising both newborns and young children, as well as older children, changes your life forever. It is a change that not everyone is capable of assuming, therefore, it is necessary to be aware of this, because although having children is the most wonderful thing in the world, your life will never be the same more.
Go from being a couple to a family of three (or more if multiple pregnancy) is one of the biggest transformations a person faces. While there are challenges in raising a baby, particularly during the first year, some couples grow stronger as they find a new respect for each other as parents and share experiences that bring them together.
Ups and downs in relationships after having a baby
Although some couples become stronger, others may also have certain problems and that is when the couple should be strong and be more united than ever so that this does not weaken your relationship.
One of the most important factors that generate tension and problems in relationships after childbirth is fatigue. Sleep deprivation can have a major impact on daily life and it is helpful to consider options to improve this potential problem. For example, when sleep deprivation begins, one parent may need to take time to sleep in another room to recover from exhaustion, then take turns the next day so both can rest (even if it’s on alternate days).
New parents are also often short on time. Hours previously used for socializing, relaxing, and doing housework can be drastically reduced, and this can change the dynamic of a relationship.
Money, or the lack of it, can also be a cause of stress for couples. For many new parents, adjusting to life on a low income or a single salary can be challenging. There are often issues that cause emotional anxiety that fuel disputes over money, such as loss of financial independence or feeling the pressure of having to support the family.
One member of the couple can also adapt to life at home with a baby instead of being at work. It can help to recognize the underlying issues (such as arguments, family problems, etc.) that are fueling the tension and try to address them… Instead if you allow the problems As underlying problems can with you, family conflicts could intensify.
Lack of love?
Many parents get confused thinking that since they are parents they no longer love each other the same, “that the spark has gone out.” Nothing is further from reality, it is fatigue that distorts reality. It is important for parents to keep in mind that fatigue can make them feel things that do not really exist.
With the arrival of a first baby, it can mean that two people who were the most important in each other’s lives now have a very important third person (or more with twins or multiples) to think about. Some parents find this transition difficult and struggle with the fact that they are no longer alone in the front of their partner’s mind.
Parents can feel isolated when the mother focuses on her child. Similarly, some women can feel like they disappear when everyone is focused on the new baby. The mother may feel that her role is simply to nurture and nurture rather than to be a partner or a real person.
It is important to recognize how roles can change and how this can make both parents feel in one way or another. In couples it is also useful to talk about each other’s day to discover what has been positive or challenging and gain understanding and empathy. It is important that if some of the parents feel that things are not going well, communication is enhanced so that they can feel comforted.
Time together and for you
Take care of yourself as partner, having open communication and taking care of yourself as an individual is important. It may be simplistic, but if you’re happy, you’re more likely to be happy as a parent, too. Keep this in mind:
- Take some time for yourselves as a couple; maybe you can try to fit or adapt some of the things you used to enjoy together into your new life.
- Take some time with friends or on your own, doing something you enjoy or find relaxing.
- Remember that there is help available, be it from your friends, family, babysitters…
- Be patient. Realize that this is learning and that you need each other.