Most couples who separate in Spain have minor children. During the divorce process in which children are involved, their interests are often relegated to the background. The spouses are so focused on discussing the terms of the lawsuit that they forget that the ones who are going to be harmed are the little ones.
In order not to fall into this mistake, it is convenient that you spend some time thinking about the correct way to act during a divorce process if you have children. What should you keep in mind as a divorced father?
1. EXPLAIN THINGS TACTFULLY
You and your partner have decided to divorce. Once the decision is firm, you have to talk to your children and explain the situation to them, always making it clear that it is not their fault and that the two of you are going to be there for them when they need you.
When arguing, you must adapt the words to the age of your children. If they are old enough to have their say, you should listen to what they have to say.
2. LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF THE PROCESS
Sometimes unintentionally, sometimes on purpose, parents end up involving their children in the entire divorce process. Even the little ones are brought before the judge when there are discrepancies with the custody . Needless to say, this situation is not at all beneficial for children.
3. DO NOT USE CHILDREN AS A WEAPON
This point is related to the previous one. It is not uncommon to see cases in which one of the parents uses her children as a weapon to destroy the other. Surely you do not need to explain who will end up suffering more.
4. DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF YOUR EX-PARTNER
In the same way, you must be clear that children are not the right medium to exchange messages with you. Especially if these are negative. Also avoid speaking ill of your former partner in front of the children.
5. KEEP THE CHILDREN’S ROUTINE
When the divorce process is complete and custody is established, the children’s daily routine is likely to be disrupted. But while the procedures last, experts recommend that there be no major changes.
If you take them to school in the morning and the mother is the one in charge of doing their homework with them, as far as possible you should respect it. Make an extra effort with teenagers, since they are usually the ones who bear separation from their parents the worst.
6. TRY TO REACH AN AGREEMENT
The more complicated the divorce process is, the more it will affect your children. That’s why you should do everything you can to put aside your differences with your spouse and try to reach an agreement. In this way, everything will be simpler, shorter and less expensive. In addition, children will suffer less.
7. FIGHT FOR JOINT CUSTODY
That you are a man does not mean that you have to settle for seeing your children on alternate weekends and a few days on vacation. More and more divorced couples have joint custody of their children. There are even Autonomous Communities in which the jurisprudence prevails this type of formula. This is the case of Catalonia, the Basque Country and Navarra.
You also don’t have to leave your house if you don’t want to. The two options in these cases are:
- The parents take turns being in the family home with the children so that the children do not have to move.
- The parents each live in a house and the children go from one to another.
Of course, do not think that by having joint custody you are going to get rid of spending an alimony. Normally, this is the case, but if your income exceeds that of your ex-wife, it may happen that you have to give her an allowance.
8. DON’T LET THE JUDGE DECIDE
Something as simple as whether or not the child can go on a school trip can become a subject of discussion between the parties. In this type of situation, try to agree with the other party to avoid the judge who decides.
9. TIME WELL THE MOMENT TO INTRODUCE THEM TO A NEW PARTNER
There will come a time when you have a new partner. Although you do not see anything wrong with presenting it to your children, it is recommended that you do not do it until you are sure that the thing is serious. Even so, you must choose the best time to do it and explain very well that no one is going to replace their mother.
10. YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD KNOW THAT THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT
Your work obligations may have prevented you from spending as much time as you would have liked with your children. Well, the time has come to focus less on giving them material things and more on enjoying their company.