The children get angry too. They have their internal emotions that they still do not know how to control or understand. It could be a stubborn child who throws huge tantrums both in public and in private… Or a teenager who locks himself in his bedroom and does not want to talk to you. If your child is angry, this is how you can talk to him… We are going to give you the tools so that when you do, he listens to you and also listens to you.
The first thing to keep in mind is that his emotion is real and in crisis situations, you must validate his emotions because he is feeling it with great intensity. Don’t minimize it… your child should feel understanding and support from the beginning. It is true that he will not be as rational as an adult, but this feeling that he is having is real and very intense.
Why is your son angry?
Children and adolescents can have anger and there are some main causes for it:
- feeling of helplessness
- Gaining control through fear or anger
- feel power
- Feeling injustice or anger
- Low tolerance to frustration
In reality, no matter what the cause, it is necessary that when a child or adolescent is in a state of rage, you do not try to stop him (always making sure that he is not going to hurt you). Telling a child that he cannot get angry is absurd, he must feel that emotion and understand it so that in the future when he feels it he can control it. Accepting and working on feelings in a productive way is essential for a good emotional balance.
What to do when your child gets angry
If your child gets angry and even if he goes into a rage state, there are certain aspects that you must take into account in your way of acting:
- Pause. Stop what you are doing and before you turn to your son he takes a deep breath. It seems simple, but it is a critical moment and you must do it. Otherwise you could respond in the same angry way. Remember; It is not a competition for power, your child must learn from you to have good emotional control.
- Stay calm and don’t take his attitude personally. Your child is learning to be a person.
- Listen to everything he has to tell you, whatever it is. No matter how you feel about the situation, your child needs to feel understood and heard. In this way his anger will diminish.
- Waiting. Let the most intense emotions subside and allow your child to return to her normal self before talking about values or setting limits or rules. It is better to handle the situation when the “storm” has calmed down and not at the most tense moment.
Parents should know that the fact that children are angry is not a reason for punishment, feeling angry is as natural as breathing. You have to understand emotion and that is what you have to teach children. Guide to children’s study hours according to age. What is not okay is inappropriate anger. In this sense, parents should be the best role model for their children’s behavior. Maintain a calm and collected demeanor and try to deal with your own and your child’s anger.
How to talk to your angry child
It is important that you take into account how you have to talk to your child when he is angry. It is necessary to be aware that children must be educated with respect and affection, leaving aside shouting, punishment… It is about instilling discipline and not fear.
Children are emotional beings who continually have their feelings on the surface, which is why a lack of self-control is common. On many occasions that lack of self-control is also lacking in adults, how can it not be lacking in children?
Although it is true that when a child loses control you can lose patience, it is key that this does not happen. Do not allow yourself to get carried away by those intense emotions that will only hurt you. Do not miss these points for when you want to talk to your angry child:
- Be your best example. Don’t yell if your child yells. Don’t spank him if he is throwing things and don’t shake him if he has hit his brother. You are the first person to handle anger in front of your children. If you are violent in any way, it is absorbed by your child and he will learn from that behavior. Instead of yelling at him, tell him to keep his voice down so you can understand what’s going on and work out a solution together.
- Listen. As we have told you above, listen to your child! Listen to him even if he is screaming, crying or desperate. As long as you stay calm and look him in the eye calmly and serenely. This will lower his level of anger and you will be able to find solutions to what has made him angry.
- No aggressiveness of any kind. Even if the child loses his temper, don’t do it yourself and talk to him calmly. If he tries to hit you, hold his arms and look him in the eye telling him that you are not going to allow that behavior. Be firm and forceful in your words but without being aggressive.
- Oxygenate your mind. To oxygenate your mind you should take a deep breath and if your child refuses to do what you tell him, don’t yell at him… take a deep breath and walk away from the scene for a second and use positive discipline: if he doesn’t heed an order there will be consequences, let him know in time so you can choose what to do.
- Always speak with love. Always speak to your children with love and affection, even when you are angry or tired. Speaking lovingly to your children will defuse their anger (and yours).
- The power of alternatives. If you see that your child’s anger does not seem to stop, offer alternative activities to distract from him.
And always, always… remind him how much you love him and hug him.