Do not make your older children take on the responsibility of taking care of their younger siblings, they did not decide to have babies and should not have the responsibility of being parents or babysitters. Older children do not have to assume functions that do not correspond to them just for the comfort of their parents. Although sometimes it is not for convenience, but due to lack of time or other circumstances.
There are times when it seems inevitable that older children will accept roles that are not theirs, something that could cause them to behave in ways that are not their age. This, without a doubt, can affect their development.
Too many demands
Sometimes, the demands of parents make children make decisions that they do not correspond to them, that they assume functions that should not be their responsibility, that they take care of the brothers when they should not do so. Children when this happens do not find their place within the family because they feel obliged to be adults when in reality they are and should continue to be children.
This implies a great emotional burden which complicates the older brother’s life and makes him feel confused in his role as older brother and son. He is son and brother and should never assume an adult role that does not correspond to him in any way. No matter how old they are, it is a burden that should not be assumed under any circumstances, there can always be other solutions where the child should not be forced to do things that do not concern him/her.
The parents tell the child that since he is the older brother, it is up to him to do that, but it is not true. They are the responsibilities of the parents and not of the older siblings. It doesn’t matter if they are 6 or 16 years old, it is not correct.
As if that were not enough, if parents continue to give their older children responsibilities that do not correspond to them, children they will begin to feel resentment, anxiety, impotence… towards life, towards their siblings and towards their parents. They will feel that what they do is all imposed and that they have no right to think or give an opinion.
Don’t make these 7 mistakes
If you have an older child, it’s time to reflect so you don’t fall into these mistakes . In this way, your older child can grow up in a healthier way.
- That the older brother has to help the younger brother in everything he needs, at any time, without taking into consideration the needs of the older brother and putting those of the younger one first.
- That the older brother becomes the “man of the house” or in the event that he is girl “in the woman of the house” because one of the parents cannot take over for whatever reason.
- Telling the older brother over and over again that he has to be a good example for their younger siblings. The example should always be from parents to children and never from siblings to siblings, this can generate rivalry and resentment.
- Do not detail responsibilities to children . It is necessary to take into account that the responsibilities with the children will depend on their age and their ability to do things. Therefore, the responsibilities of children cannot be equated equally. And always, they must have a limit on responsibilities, they must remain children!
- Do not praise when they do things well. When the older brother does things well or helps, It’s good that you praise him. It is good that he gets involved, but always as an option or a choice and not as an imposition with which the older son does not agree.
- That the older brother has authority over the younger brothers . Never under any circumstances should a brother have the authorization to punish or correct his younger brothers. It should always be the parents who are in charge of doing this. Siblings are siblings and children and everything should be the same between them and with their parents.
- Be an example of authority. Children should not be the example of authority of their brothers, they should be sons and brothers but never authority as a father or a mother should be!