We all want our kids to be the better version of us, but just like us, our kids can make mistakes too. Mistakes help us learn and grow, they help us to be wiser, to have more intelligence and to feel the strength we need to lead a beautiful, full life and to think freely. Learning that your child is a bully at school can trigger all kinds of feelings inside of you.
When they call you from school to tell you that your child is a bully, you may feel ashamed, doubtful, confused and even afraid. The temptation is to think that you have done something wrong and that you don’t know how to be a good father or a good mother… you feel like you’ve done something wrong and that’s why things have turned that way. But maybe you did something wrong or maybe you didn’t… what is clear is that even parents who seem perfect can have an aggressor child. All parents have the right to make mistakes, but also to right our mistakes.
Bullying is wrong
You need to know that bullying is wrong and that it doesn’t necessarily make you wrong father or a bad mother… although you will always feel that way if your son continues to be a cruel person. Children who bully have learned bad behavior, sometimes it can be an example of what they see at home, other times it can be because they see it happening around them… but just as it is learned, it can be unlearned.
If your child is a child who is making life impossible for another child, the most important thing is to realize what is happening and act. If you feel guilty, sad, or defensive, it won’t help because there is too much important work to do to waste time complaining. All children have the right to know when they are doing something that is not in their best interest, making them undesirable to others. Bullying others will make them become a person no one wants to get close to in the future.
Parental feedback is critical
The difference between bully kids who get help and grow up to be amazing human beings and those who don’t… lies in their parents’ feedback. Parent response makes all the difference, and it’s no exaggeration. The ones you ignore n the behavior you are sending your children to an antisocial ditch… they will grow up in loneliness, in unhappiness and will feel more pain than they have created for others, because they will wonder why people don’t like them.
Parents should help their children to be part of the solution instead of always being the problem. This way they will be able to build incredible human beings and the world will be grateful for this.
Beware of risk factors
There are some risk factors that are worth taking into account, because although all parents try to do the best they can, they can be the cause of their children’s aggressiveness at school. If any of these risk factors sound familiar to you, don’t panic, just be able to turn the situation around to make things better. Some risk factors are:
- Lack of warmth or affection from parents towards their children.
- Parents do not openly show feelings of love towards their children.
- Too permissive parenting, children do not know where the limits are.
- Too authoritarian parenting that uses physical or emotional punishment.
- Older siblings who bully the little ones .
- Friends who are bullies.